Listening to the sound of falling rain and a little thunder as I lounge in bed and sip my tea. And oh my goodness the sound of that falling rain is simply beautiful! We are getting a good shower here! Perhaps we will wind up with the frog strangling gully washer I wished for yesterday. Wouldn't that be great? Thinking of that old song about Rainy Days and Mondays, and realizing rainy days will never bring me down again because any memories or thoughts that once made them downers, have been replaced with that precious moment Sunday when Larry and I sat watching the rain through the window of his room. A moment some might well think was a real downer, but actually wasn't because in that moment, all we thought about as we held hands and watched it, was how damn good that rain looked.
I'm getting up earlier than I used to, not really because I have to, but because I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I'm learning to enjoy this early morning tea sipping time. It's the start of a new day, a time when I can reflect briefly on all the yesterdays, and try to plan the today and tomorrows.
Our current today and tomorrows are sure as heck not what I envisioned before we discovered Larry has cancer. But, that doesn't mean there can't still be some good times. Making sure as many of our moments are as happy as possible is what it's all about for me right now. I've always said life is what you make it. I'm discovering my words are even more true than ever right now. I can handle what is happening in two ways. I can weep, rail against fate, whine about how terrible this is, and generally make a bad situation even worse by doing all that. Or, I can live my own words, enjoy and gather every bit of fun and laughter I can, accept what cannot be changed, fight for what can be changed, and insure that whatever time is left to us is as good as it can be.
Making sure I surround myself with as much positive energy as possible is very important to me right now. Sometimes that will mean ruthlessly ridding myself of anything and anyone that brings too much negativity to my life. Oddly enough, I now realize that is something we should all do no matter what our circumstances. Life, no matter what, is still too damn short. It shouldn't be squandered trying to deal with the self imposed negativity of others.
Just spoke to Angel, the hairdresser that comes to the nursing home on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. She is going to clip Larry's hair down as short as she can with clippers today. She is not allowed to use razors of any kind, and right now that's good because with the blood thinners he is on to help dissolve the clot, that's best. This will help with the falling hair problem though so he can eat without it falling into his food. She is most surely a TRUE Angel to do what she does.
6:16pm
Visited with Mr. Grinch for awhile today, and wound up driving in the rain, something that still makes me uneasy. But, felt much more comfortable in SweetPea than I would have in the truck. Even braved the rain again, and drove to Beals to get him a couple more pair of work out pants and some more t-shirts since it looks like he will not be escaping from what he calls Zombieland any time soon. The good news is the nurses and doctors are really on top of things now and have Mr. Grinch on the medication he needs to make sure the blood clot is dissolved and no more form. Dr. Sorrel said unfortunately the blood clots were not uncommon in cancer patients, and with Larry's foot and leg being so badly injured in the past, he was doubly prone to that.
He told me Larry would probably be on the medication to control clotting for about 6 months. I nodded, smiled and said, "Okay." He looked at me a little odd. I think expecting me to take the news worse. What he didn't realize is when he said 6 months on that medication, it was music to my ears considering a few week ago nobody expected Larry to be around that long! The fact that the doctor said that in a tone of voice that clearly stated he didn't see him not being around that long, made it hard for me not to break into a happy dance!
Later, I opened the blinds a little in his room, and we were sitting on the edge of his bed looking out the window. Well I was looking out the window, and Mr. Grinch was holding one arm over his face mumbling, "I'm going to explode." I told him knock it off, he wasn't going to explode. Especially, since it was so darn overcast outside. Once we got that settled, and were quietly sitting on the edge of the bed, I reached up, rubbed his bald head and said, "But, we are going to have to spray this dome down with sunscreen when the weather clears up, and we can take you outside in the sunshine. And don't even start that crap about exploding again." Then I kissed the top of his bald head, and grinned. Lucky for him, I have some spray on sunscreen I can take to him next time I go see him.
I am viewing the blood clot not as a set back, but rather as merely a bump on the road that we are now safely over. Or as safely as anything gets for us right now. When battling cancer, the cancer itself isn't the only enemy. There are many enemies that are lurking in the shadows waiting to take a shot at the already weakened body of the cancer victim. But I am doing my best to help the doctors and nurses spot any of the enemies early on, and dispatch them ASAP.
Mr. Grinch has a followup appointment the 18th in San Antonio with his cancer doctor, and it is my intention that he be in as good a shape as possible when we go in for that. Maria, one of the wonderful nurses at Cibolo Creek Nursing and Rehabilitation, has arranged for us to be taken over to the doctors office, so I don't even have to worry about how to get him to that appointment. I want that doctor's jaw to drop in amazement at how much better Larry is when he sees him.
