I went and visited with Larry again this afternoon. He was in the shower when I arrived so I sat on the edge of his bed and waited for them to bring him back. As I sat there, I looked down and saw a clump of his hair on the floor. I grabbed one of the napkins from the box of pop up napkins I got for him, and used it to gather all the hair up and put it in the trash. I came close to losing it when I first saw that clump of hair on the floor. Not because the hair itself is important, but because there is nothing like seeing a clump of hair like that on the floor to make the chemo thing so very REAL.
Yes, I know, I sat with him some during part of that first chemo treatment. Am trying to make plans for more of them. But, I had sort of put the reality of it all in another compartment of my mind in order to hold myself together as I watched the chemicals dripping into him that first time. And as I talked to the nurses and doctors about more chemo treatments. Even when I saw all the hair on his pillow and bed yesterday, I shoved it to that part of my mind. The best way I can describe it is that I am acknowledging and understanding everything perfectly, on an intellectual level. But, I am shoving the emotional understanding away at first. Giving myself time to come to terms with it on that emotional level. I held myself together today, even as I reached down and gathered up the hair. I knew I could not be in tears if he came back from the shower right then.
If there is any hair left by Tuesday, he wants to go to the hairdresser that comes on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and have them go ahead and shave anything left completely off. He says it is leaving a big mess for the nurses to have to clean up. And I noticed even when he was eating his lunch today, he had to be careful to avoid getting falling hair into it. That was another of those little moments I had to quietly take a deep breath not to break down.
On the way home I stopped at the Texas Treasures Fine Art Sculpture Garden. I have been wanting to do that since they finished it. Mentioned it to Mr. Grinch several times as we were driving down River Road. He got a bad case of selective non hearing every time I brought it up. Today, I just whipped my little SweetPea right in there, and enjoyed strolling through it. I would have strolled longer, but I was starving. I walked over to Little Gretel, and had a lovely salmon salad on their beautiful patio. I sat right by the speaker, and listened to some good old rock n roll as I dined on that delightful salmon salad. There was a young couple sitting side by side on the other side of the road. The were feeding the ducks at River Road Park. Though they didn't know it, I was quietly wishing them an abundance of happiness and joy as I watched them.
That little bit of Me Time this afternoon was just what I needed. I am going to make some more of that soon, and take my good camera back to the Sculpture Garden. Enjoy and better photograph all the beautiful sculptures in it. Then, just because he could never "hear" me when I mentioned it before, I'm going to make Mr. Grinch look at all the pics. ;)
To view the photos I took today Click Here
