Right now I'm relaxing for a little while my son and his family are shopping again. The reason I have the tent and camping things now is because we went on an all day shopping expedition yesterday. Chris asked me if I wanted to come with them today, and I replied, "I never thought I would say this, but I am all shopped out right now. So thank you, but I will stay here and rest up from yesterday's shopping spree." The reason Chris and Marisol are shopping so much is because being stationed in Japan, they don't get much selection on the base where they shop. They brought a couple of empty suitcases, and intend to buy more suitcases to pack all the stuff they are buying in.
I bought everything I needed and wanted for right now with them yesterday. I was going to wait on buying the tent, but was afraid if I did, I would keep putting it off, and wind up not ever doing any tent camping. I really do want to keep my promise about enjoying life and making it a series of little, and sometimes big adventures. I've already come such a long way on this journey of my life. Those last nine months of caring for Larry forced me to come as far as I already have. I had to relearn how to drive, and start taking care of more and more of the things he once did. The roles had been reversed in our world, and I became the one taking care of him, and myself, rather than him taking care of me.
Now, it is sadly just my world here. But despite the sadness that my heart feels with every beat, I am determined to be okay. Sitting here all day grieving myself sick would worry my son. I do not want him to worry, or be in any way an emotional burden on him right now. That's why I am so stubbornly determined to begin this journey of widowhood with a strong straight spine, and with as confident of steps as possible. Oh sure, there will be time the heartache will overcome me, and other times I will be scared about taking a next step. I have to straighten back up though, take a deep breath and remind myself since I have come this far, of course I can take the step.
